#Goals

In the United States, we’re  taught from a young age, we can be anything we want to be. There’s a lot of success stories that lead me to believe this is true. If you’re willing to put in the work. And, I don’t mean excessive working hours. I used to think that, I used to think since I have a family and I’m not a workaholic, any significant success was not a realistic possibility for me. Depending on your function and industry, this is a very real challenge, but I’ve found a way to balance it out and many other professional women do too.

What I’m referring to is heart. Vulnerability. Ego. Emotional investment. Trust. Focus. Learning commitment. I’m a firm believer that more than anything else, laying it all on the line and sinking heart and soul into every facet of your personal brand is what influences success most strongly. Too achieve long-term, sustainable success, I firmly believe you have to be willing to leave your ego at the door, bare your soul, truly care, practice compassion, be considerate and be authentically, unabashedly, unapologetically, YOU. Giving 100% of yourself in every interaction, every situation. That’s terrifying, and I’m ok admitting that. I think if they’re honest, the majority of people would say the same. I for one, don’t want to reach the end of my life, wondering what I could’ve achieved, what wealth of experiences I might have missed out on because I was too intimidated to give life my best shot. I may not crush every goal, but I want to feel like I had a good run, a full life, that I enjoyed my life, not just survived it.

Finally, at the ripe old age of 33, I’ve decided what I want to do when I grow up. Sure, I’d love to be the lead singer of a rock band, but for a realistic day job, I finally feel like I have a specific direction and goal. It feels pretty damn good. If maybe a little intimidating.

Chief Culture Officer

Ok, really intimidating, all typed out in harsh, black Arial font. But, there you have it.

Maybe you haven’t heard of that title, it’s certainly not very common- yet. You can learn more about the general scope of the position here: https://www.shrm.org/hr-today/news/hr-magazine/pages/070815-chief-culture-officers.aspx .

From my perspective, this marries my love of marketing, Human Resources and law and my interest in behavioral psychology as best as I can hope for in a single role. Since that’s a pretty wide range of job attributes, I never dreamed I would find something that combined all of them. I figured I’d have to commit to becoming an attorney or becoming strictly Human Resources, becoming a psychologist, or specializing in marketing- hence why I never committed to a career and actually focused on a specific career goal, I knew no single one would fulfill what I wanted to do. And I couldn’t articulate what I wanted to do or how I wanted so do it. So I let the tide of life carry me along. I am lucky to be where I am considering my lackadaisical approach to a career. Let’s be honest here, I never in a million years thought I’d have a career, and didn’t want one. I knew I would work, but only because it would be necessary and then only the bare minimum to get by. That was safe, comfortable, a goal so basic, I couldn’t possibly fail in my estimation.

A successful business woman I greatly admire, posted a story about a female executive named Bozoma St. James on FB. Ms. St. James’ role at Uber is where I first began to see this type of role even articulated. She doesn’t hold that exact title, but the scope of her position as Chief Brand Officer piqued my interest because it touched every aspect of the business and combined a lot of what interests me. That article impacted me so profoundly that I started researching similar roles and that research led me to the Chief Culture Officer title. As I began researching, I ran across other, similar cutting edge executives including Claude Silver, the Chief Heart Officer of  Vaynor Media. Yes, that’s a real title, and a fantastic example of generational influence impacts business culture. You wouldn’t have seen that title or even the articulation and respect for the function and value add for a business 20+ years ago, maybe not even 5-10. This is the future of Human Resources. This is the stuff that I’m passionate about, the articulation of an approach I thought was singular to me, that I couldn’t articulate and didn’t think I could dare to try, that I was sure nobody else would ever appreciate, respect and value.

Always consider you could be wrong. Always research, learn, better yourself- never stop. Things are constantly changing, when opportunity knocks, know what you want and be ready.

Director of Corporate Culture will have to come first of course, but, long term goals are good to have. And, there may be other titles and experiences that come first as well, but as a long-term career goal, that’s it.

Now, bring on the critics. It’s lofty, no doubt about that. But, the loftier my sights have become, the more I have been able to achieve. As I’m finding out about many of my inherent philosophies and internal processing techniques, this is something that is commonly known and taught. Regardless of reaching the goal, you’ll always be more successful the higher you set the bar for yourself. 🙄 Duh.

Something uniquely in my favor is that I’m getting to do this already. With a lot of additional responsibility since I’m responsible for such a wide range of things, but I’m getting to approach everything from this perspective which is invaluable experience that will make the title transition, when it comes, much less daunting.

Setting specific goals is new for me. I’ve always been the one to avoid committing to any specific goal. If I didn’t set a specific goal, I couldn’t fail, I could reframe changes to package it as something other than failure. The possibility of failure is intimidating, I don’t know many who would argue that. But, for any great person you can think of, tech genius, successful entrepreneur, artist, military, boxing legend, music producer, martial arts practitioner, doctor, lawyer- any successful person- they’ve all had failures. You won’t find one who hasn’t ever failed. And, if you talk to people about their failures, you find the successful ones have analyzed those experiences and identified what the mistakes that caused the failure, and what that teaches them to allow better performance in the next, similar situation. I think the way my brain is wired, I’ll always try to internally rationalize taking risk. So, when I started down the road of this perspective/approach change, I figured what the hell, of it doesn’t work, I won’t be any worse off than I am now. A lot of successful people approach their life and careers this way, so why not try it?

So far, so good.

 

Hi, My Name Is

It’s 6:38am and I’ve been at the neighborhood gym for about an hour already, and I’ll likely be here another two.

Who is this person???! Have I really been consistently choosing to wake up at 5am on my days off  so that I can work out for 6 months now? Sure, I pushed it as late as 7am once or twice, but only once have I not made it at all. That’s pretty fucking consistent, especially for me, the girl who hates to sweat just as much as she loves to sleep. It’s funny how you can not notice a change until it’s significant. How long do you wait until you confidently say “This is me now”. This isn’t me, or is it? Has this become who I am? For someone with mediocre goals at best, lose 40#, lower blood sugar and be healthier, the changes are impressive.

I’m down 80#, blood sugar is well controlled and fitness level is flirting with becoming above average. The complete mindset reset is the most impressive and the most valuable though.

I must admit, if I analyze this change, it has taken closer to three years than just six months. But, that’s not sustained effort. I fell off the healthy eating wagon and the working out wagon multiple times since I started my journey in January of 2015. I was always motivated to start again, not by the weight loss, not even always to lower blood sugar, it was the general get healthy reasoning that kept me going, kept me coming back. I worked at a digital heath startup a few years ago, my first job in Vegas, and I was exposed to a lot of health and fitness analytics and metrics that I hadn’t been aware of as well. It was also the first time I had been exposed (in close proximity) to a breed of very motivated people (many of my co workers ran marathons and/or participated in other extreme fitness activities), it was also the first time working for individuals I found very motivating. These were competitors, these were often Ivy League brainiacs, people raised their whole life to expect and demand success, bred for the business world, and prepared to do anything to attain their goals. Now, I do mean anything, these were some of the most cutthroat, two faced, egotistical people I had ever dealt with, they would throw me under the bus when I hadn’t even thought of the possibility and most of the time it was their own fault. Toddler tantrums and spiteful, discriminatory attacks by wealthy, highly educated men twice my age was something I was only able to successfully navigate for nine months. However it did hearten me to know that was three months longer than the last woman in my position who had been twice my age, and had all the right degrees, a “real” business woman (to me at that time). But, along with being, in general, complete assholes, they had these traits and soft skills that enchanted me. These people worked 80+ hours a week in many cases yet still found time to do all kinds of physical activities and spend meaningful time with their families and they looked and sounded good doing it.  I watched them like a hawk, and I took note of a few key traits that I decided I would emulate and see if maybe They would make me…… Happier? More successful? Both I guess? Again, pretty basic, mediocre goals.

First, they were all confident. It didn’t matter if they were spewing insanity or complete lies, they said that shit with feeling and they defended it as though their six figure salary depended on it. I also saw many meet a swift and unexpected end, there were many firings.

Second, they never considered that something couldn’t be done. No matter how ridiculously aggressive and absurd a goal was, they never dared to push back and always agreed enthusiastically to complete the task. Unfortunately they often failed, hence the many firings.

Third, They didn’t neglect their personal fitness. They might have worked 18 hours that day, but you can bet they were getting in their hour at the gym instead of sleeping an extra hour. And almost every weekend they were participating in some physical competition or other sporty activity. And, if you dared to order anything with fries, or depending on the group, even meat sometimes, you would surely be the only one at the table not choosing a salad or grilled vegetables- they consistently made healthy choices even when overwhelmed with work and in many cases jet lagged too. These people who accomplished more in a day than I did in a month, they didn’t settle, in any area of their life.

As I started to analyze their traits and try to pinpoint what made these people more successful (in my mind) than me- or really anyone I had ever known, I could easily see the pitfalls and challenges of the traits I identified.

Confidence is a double edged sword; too much is definitely not good and will come back to it you. Confidence must be paired with humility for maximum positive impact.

Considering the viability of an idea is an essential component to effective critical thinking; never being able to admit that something may not work or that an idea may not be the best just because it was yours, there was real value in collaboration and teamwork.

Not compromising in their personal lives, was maybe the most interesting to me. I was raised thinking it was normal and to be expected that you hate your job. It’s only something done out of necessity to feed your family and if you ever won the lottery naturally you would immediately quit. These people not only actually liked the work they did, they found time to do it ALL- work crazy hours, still be fit and healthy, spend time with their kids, and they were pulling pretty decent incomes. I was the lowest paid employee in the building. By a lot. Not to mention the most overweight. Did you know there is actually data that says a person who is not overweight is likely to be more successful than if they are overweight?

Now, it didn’t hit me like an epiphany or anything dramatic. I wasn’t even consciously identifying the traits until after the fact.

But looking back, I’m sure it influenced me, because I started to believe it was possible. Just maybe, I could someday be successful, fit, motivated, dynamic, charismatic, competent, happy.

In reality, only difference in nearly all these people could be distilled to one thing, theirs was an all encompassing mindset of positivity instead of defeat. It was programming pure and simple. I had been programmed for defeat and these people had been programmed for success.

Then the question became is it possible to reprogram yourself? I started reading success stories, Amy and every article about weight loss success, curing diabetes with diet, individuals who had overcome any type of obstacle successfully suddenly intrigued me, what were they doing differently than me? They had all reprogrammed themselves. They had taught themselves a new outlook on life, a new way of processing information and handling challenges entirely. These were people who had been programmed for failure and they had overcome, in many cases, much more daunting upbringings and personal tragedy than I had. If they could do it, so could I.

Its a journey. I don’t think it’s ever something to be completed. You can always improve. A telltale sign of an egotistical person doomed for certain failure is to think you’re the best, that there is no room to improve. Are there people who have that outlook and are successful? Sure, our president is one of them. But, so want to be happy, content, I don’t want success just to be successful. I want to enjoy my life. And for me, so far, my strategy is working. For the first time, I like who I am. I’d wanna hang out with me. Sometimes, I even think I look good, these are new feelings, and I’m hooked.

Now there will always be detractors, resistors, those around you who are salivating at the mouth waiting for you to fail, and offering to help every step of the way. Sometimes this individual may be someone who you thought would have and could’ve been your biggest supporter. But, if you’re changing your thought process, you’ll start to be grateful for them. Iron sharpens iron, they’re only making you stronger. They can only stop your progress if you let them.

If you’re thinking “Oh, but I could never do that because ________” fill in the blank, I would say you’re likely wrong. If I can do it, anyone can. For someone with no formal K-12 education, only basic community college courses for continuing education, no ambition, no support system (let’s just be real here), who endured every kind of abuse including an overtly abusive marriage, experimenting with hard drugs, having 3 biological kids and two step kids, losing everything multiple times in a 10 year period (and I do mean down to the silverware and clothing), if I can do it so can you. You have to want it bad enough though; nobody can motivate you but you.

So yeah, I guess this is me now. I am the career woman working a full time job with a a million kids getting up at 5am on a Saturday to workout and work on my blog. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Hi, my name is Tina. Nice to meet you.